As I bite down, I feel my teeth harden, and my bones weaken from the madness held upon me. In this moment my eyes start to water, as I gaze at the empty heart in front of me. CRACK! My heart starts to break, I shed a tear. It seems that the end is near.
From afar the room, I see what Is meant to be, Adam and me holding hands in my dreams.
It soon becomes a nightmare. As I gaze down the isle to the coffin, I see a young boy of who had which such strength, and power, as he had become a spirit to human nature, he no longer will be human. And he now of which remains a human soul. It reminds me of the day that as we walked on the beach hand in hand, we noticed shadows.
I had realized it was the boy, just then. As I bowed, I heard a whisper, as I started to pray, I heard a voice, circling the room. It sounded as a little boy had lost his way, until I saw him lying there in the coffin; I knew right away that it was he who had said: {KAWISUWA} I figured it was a Chinese culture in heritance of the boys resort. I knew right away that something was different, I panicked, as I headed for the nearest exit, the doors slammed shut, i had no where to turn, I was surrounded by this spirit, as if it had something to say to me. It had spoken and said a word that I could not understand, and that word was the unknown: {DOBISUHAH} I didn’t understand what he had meant.
It was a mystery, there were encyclopedias surrounding by the bookcase near the stage.
My luck, it was a Chinese one. As I reached for one, it slipped out of my hands and fell to the floor, it was opened to a page, as I leaned over to pick it up and see what it had said, on the page was the word: KAWISUWA>and right under it was the word:
DOBISUHAH. I found the meanings; it was very uniquely laid out, on the pages.
The meanings for Kawisuwa was: integrity! Example: needs for help.
And under that was the meanings for: DOBISUHAH was: I am trapped.
As I wondered and waited for a sign. The ghost had appeared back to my view, snatched the book from my hand and whispered in my ear, and slowly leaned in to say something.
U DIDN’T HELP ME!! And screeched loudly into my ear: U WILL PAY! As he lifted off. I felt tired and a lift of weakness rise upon me. My heart started to hurt. As he picked me up from the church, and asked, did anything interesting happen? As we drove off, I said one thing happened. And he asked me: well, what happened. As I answered Adam looked across to the passenger side, and had found my body no where to be seen. The ghost had taken me, far away. As my heart started to heal, I shedded a tear, and I opened my eyes to a dream, I woke and I was lying in the church with Adam. The spirit is still a mystery, that you shall find the answer by seeking a question, which is followed by an answer that u will have to find when it shows signs that its ready to be found.
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ReplyDeleteHi Hailey, it's Sarah Jameson here from PGSS.Loved, loved, loved this line: "From afar the room, I see what Is meant to be, Adam and me holding hands in my dreams." That is so romantic... and it has has rhyme with the line above it. It's kind of dreamy and rhythmic.
ReplyDeleteTons of great words:
- afar
- heritance
- encyclopedias
- uniquely
- integrity
I also liked how you brought Chinese words into the story, it made me wonder what they meant at the start.
Your story was very interesting.
You may want to watch out for capitals where not needed, but overall good job! :)
Hello, Hailey!
ReplyDeleteOh...wow...LOVE the first line...you have a beautiful SPECIFIC and DETAILED action that draws me in, right away...the deliberate and conscious act of biting. So many students start out with a first line that is too 'big', or general, like, "The sun was shining." That example isn't a horrible first line, but yours is SUPERIOR, because you narrow down your first line to a specific action which immediately focuses us on your main character and their angst.
I also loved the paradox (two opposite ideas put together) of your "teeth hardening" and your "bones weakening". It is an intelligent way of showing, and not telling, inner turmoil.
Your writing has some interesting spiritual elements, with references to spirits, ancient writings, shadows, ghosts, and dreams.
I loved the final line which explains that signs only reveal themselves when they are "ready to be found". This is the basis of myths and what you learn in high school about "archetypal characters": there is a "chosen One" who is destined to be the One who finds the answer, or receives/interprets the sign. (Two simple examples of the chosen One are Simba, in the Lion King and Luke Skywalker, in Star Wars).
Be careful to AVOID Internet slang in your writing: don't use "u"...say "you"!
Terrific story!
thanks, and yea, i did forget to edit it. haha opps. thanks again.
ReplyDeletei like your story
ReplyDeleteits a good story
thanks, i made it to years ago, and touched it up a bit, then i thought i would use it for this.
ReplyDelete